26. Daughters as Caregivers
Karl Pillemer
Karl A. Pillemer, Human Development, and research colleagues found in a study—the first large-scale study with detailed data about all living children of older people—that mothers aged 65 to 75 are likely to name as preferred caregiver an adult child to whom they feel emotionally close and who has similar values. Mothers did not take into account the child’s ability to care for them, such as the child’s competing responsibilities or serious life problems. The study of 566 mothers in the greater Boston area also found that older mothers expected that child to be a daughter, even if there were available sons. Whether children had received support from their mother in the recent past was not a deciding factor, despite evidence from previous studies that indicate these children are most likely to provide help when needed. Pillemer’s study found that mothers would name the child from whom they had received the most help in the past—usually a daughter. Older mothers named daughters more often because of the closeness of shared experiences and because of the embarrassment of sons performing personal-care tasks. With the increasing growth in the older populations, it is important for older parents to discuss future care and name the primary caregiver to avoid a mismatch between expectations, causing conflict, stress, and disappointment.